Mamahood
Wow! This is a post I have been trying to write since I was pregnant with my first, Issa, who is 5 years old. I believe with life one must reflect and as a parent, it takes time to process everything; it is constant learning. We must evaluate our actions, reflect on how we deal with things, and look about how we can be better for ourselves and our children. My first was a huge adjustment, especially emotionally. I had a lot of growing to do and I did the work. When I was pregnant with her I would listen to a lot of motivational speakers, did some deep reflection, apologized to certain people, and taught myself to unlearn certain habits.
Balancing mamahood, running a business, and helping my husband with his career came with many challenges. When I was pregnant with Issa I was on this mission to prove to the world that “no baby is going to hold me back”, lol. And, I achieved it, maybe a little too much… The pressure I took on was real.
Issa Monreaux is my first and she changed my life. I explain it as if “A paintbrush came and added new colours, tones, and perspectives to my life.” If it wasn’t for her I would never be who I am today. Forever thankful to her, God and myself for allowing me to do the work. Rewind, I was depressed in my pregnancy and in one of the lowest places I had ever been, it was a huge step to say: “I surrender” and I’m going forward with this pregnancy not knowing what will the outcome be. Mamahood has a lot to do with faith and faith is a muscle we must exercise. I had to learn to trust my journey and know that I am OK. One of my fav quotes is by Marianne Williamson:
I further explain that my second Izra Harmony was the “sweet spot”. I was able to enjoy it as I was more experienced and knew what to expect. We named her middle name Harmony as there was a harmonious flow in our house and a peace I never experienced. I was able to be present and not get caught up in the pressures of society, what the “right parenting” looks like, and I learned to loosen up a bit with my new zest of confidence. I also had more help from my tribe: my husband’s family was a huge blessing. I accepted the blessing by learning their family culture, along with working that faith muscle, once again. The first challenge that came with Izra was when my husband had to fly out for business. I was getting Issa ready for daycare and I could not get out of the house in a timely fashion. “Time is ticking!” I say to myself anxiously while looking at the clock. The pressure has hit! In Jamaica, we have a saying “pressure busts pipes” as it sure does! I had a meltdown. I dropped her late at 10:45 am and said walking home said: “God help me hack this one!” I was determined, and chose positivity to deal with it, if you know me, determination and positivity are always a part of the solution. The next day was much better. I say our biggest breakdowns can be our biggest breakthroughs; if we allow it! The determination was key, when your back is against the wall you can only go through by pushing forward, flow with it or hop over what is in front of you, including yourself. We developed a routine, I was gentle with myself and it got easier. It was cute to see both Issa and Izra grow together!
My third, Imiyah Rhythm “just got sweeter”. It was a slice of heaven! I took the time out to be even more present and enjoy every bit of her. The challenges: that 4th trimester! It was not easy, I did not educate myself on it and the hormonal imbalances were starting to show, I needed to deal with myself as a lot of anger/ frustration was popping up. Looking back, I was taking on a lot and trying to learn how to navigate life during this covid season. I was now a mom of 3 and taking on tasks that I had no capacity to take on. An example of this was trying to please people by over-extending myself when I was the one who needed it. I did not flow with it, I was acting as if that did not apply to me trying to be a super mom. I also opened a new brand ID-Style with my business partner Brenda and was in full movement of scaling the design company (I|S INTERIORS). With the good support of new friends who come into your life and feel like old ones (IMPORTANT: women build your tribe with other mamas or ladies who get it), this was the turning point. Special thanks to Bee and Mo for gently helping me face my own issues with no judgment; I knew I needed to make a change and was determined. Issa was getting bigger and I couldn’t get away with certain things, reality was setting in, she was watching my every move. I needed to learn the patience part as this is key when dealing with children. The blessing is, it gets better as your children grow. The first 4 years were tough, but I was able to see the beauty of having a 4-year-old and her contribution to the family and helping along with observing my second’s dynamic of not being the baby anymore and having to be a big sister to the new baby. This was truly the “sweet spot that got sweeter” witnessing all my little Empresses made me feel complete.
Let me share with you my highlights from my birthing stories:
- All my births were natural, no anesthetic
- Two of them were born at home
- One of them we delivered ourselves! Yes! My husband caught Imiyah, the midwives were 8 minutes late! That will be another post as that is a whole other mood.
Above I mentioned my experiences the good and the bad but most of all these are experiences! We must be gentle with ourselves, see the bigger picture and know our intentions! As a mama or parent, I always say use your intuition, heal from your past and navigate with grace and faith.
Finally, through all this all I must say a HUGE THANK YOU to my husband. This man has sacrificed so much for his family and has always been a friend through it all. Love you Supa.
Big ups!
Iman ♥
